Well Are You Gay?
by The Quote Bandit
Summary: Kratos tries to enjoy some time alone while everyone is busy, while Zelos will not hear of it, and insists on calling him gay! The nerve.


**Haha! I'm never actually going to write the stuff I'm planning? I keep on getting distracted on other random stuff.**

**Anyways, this was the product of watching too many YouTube videos and listening to Avenue Q. If you've never heard of them, search them on YouTube NOW! They're like Seseme Street, only....better XD This perticular fic was mostly inspired by the song "If You Were Gay" There are quite alot of direct lyrics I used, but whatev.**

**This'll prolly be pretty stupid because it's the product of less then an hour of effort (about a third of this was spent on being distracted by YouTube) in the night and eating too much carrot cake. Have you noticed that both my stories share that same inspiration? Maybe this is how I should start writing all my stories. Hmmmmmmmm**

**But this'll prolly expand to include some other stuff later, when I stop procrastinating. **

**I most certainly don't own Tales of Symphonia or Avenue Q. I wish I own Avenue Q though. =/ **

Kratos sighed contentedly. Lloyd was out of his hair, playing some strange game outside the hotel with Genis and Noishe that he was fairly sure he didn't understand. But that was alright. He was getting ready to curl up with his favorite book, "Meltokian Musicals of the Century." And he was almost sure there would be no interruption anytime soon. Regal was taking Presea and Colette on a trip to the Altamiran amusement park, Sheena was relaxing at the nearby Starbucks, Raine was checking out the selection of books in the nearby bookstore, and Zelos….

"Hey, Kratos!"

Was right behind him. With a shudder, Kratos turned around to face Zelos.

"Hello, Zelos," he said, with quite a bit of restraint. "May I ask what you're still doing here? Zelos smirked lightly, but did not show any other notice that he saw the elder man's discomfort. In fact, he went so far as to jump over the sofa's back edge and land softly next to Kratos.

"I came back," Zelos said. He took a deep breath. "You'll never guess what happened to me this morning."

"Really?" came Kratos' dry reply.

"Really!" the red-hair said without missing a beat. "See, there was this guy, and he was smiling at me and talking to me, and being real friendly."

"That's very interesting."

"Yeah, well, I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!" Zelos finished, a strange note of triumph seeming to enter his voice. It made Kratos bristle and shift uncomfortably in his seat. The book was still open in his lap, and long forgotten.

"That's all well and good, Zelos, but why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care."

Zelos watched Kratos, triumph visible on his countenance now. It was nice watching a 4,000 year old angel squirm, especially if you took part in it. After about 34 seconds (who's counting?) the angel in question remembered he had a book in his hands, and lifted it to his face.

"So, what did you have for lunch today?" he said slowly, the even-ness of his voice seeming to be forced. Zelos leaned back, sinking into the plushy fabric.

"Okay, okay, you don't have to get all defensive about i-"

"I'm not getting defensive about it!" He fumed, but didn't say anything else. Looked like some more button-pushing was in order here to get Kratos to admit it.

"Whatever you say, Senior Bud-" here Kratos tensed visibly. "-but just so you know…."

"What?"

"If you were gay, that'd be okay," Zelos soothed.

"Excuse me?!"

"I mean 'cause hey! I'd like you anyway!"

"Zelos, that's slightly disturbing," Kratos admitted. Zelos just shushed him though. He wasn't finished.

"Because, you see, if it were me," the magical man said slowly. "If it were me I would be free to say that I was gay."

"So you are gay!" the other man accused. But Zelos merely wagged a finger.

"But I'm not gay." Kratos harrumphed, and went back to his book. Zelos frowned. He was obviously trying to block him out. Well, he'd just have to fix that. With one quick movement, the book was out of Kratos' grasp and under Zelos' butt.

"Hey!"

"If you were queer, Kratos," he said with flourish.

"Excuse me?!" An astonished look crossed Kratos' face. His cool was quickly leaving him.

"I'd still be here, because you're dear to me."

"I'm not going to listen to you anymore. You obviously had something to drink." Zelos simply gave the man a sideways grin before continuing.

"And I know that you would accept me, too."

"I would?"

"So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?

"Zelos, that's gross!" There was not much left of the stoic man by now. Zelos was enjoying himself thoroughly.

"No it's not! Now, you can count on me to always be-"

"I'm really not listening this time Zelos."

"-Beside you every day to tell you 'it's okay!' After all, you were just born that way!"

"Lalalala," Kratos replied, looking like he wanted to kill the man next to him.

"And as they say, it's in your DNA! You're gay!" Zelos concluded, leaping up in joy.

"But I'm not gay!" Kratos bellowed, leaping up as well. Zelos merely grinned.

"If you were gay."

**Yes, there's a Starbucks even in Altamira. They really are EVERYWHERE. Hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
